Little Dad

1. From Michigan: "one set of choices". Only $12.50 USD! I chose not to inspect contents or charge duties.

2. Poor suckers not quite funny enough for their own entry:
- purses in the shape of jumbo-sized Converse All Stars sneakers.
-"Anti-falling" herbal hair gel from Hong Kong, endorsed by Jackie Chan.
- several dozen Planet of the Apes trading cards from the '70s. (Actually, these were pretty amazing, but technically I found them last summer and have only vague memories of the discovery. Vague and amazing memories.)



3. The man of my dreams, the love of my life, the John to my Yoko, the one, the only, RONNIE DOVE. Some lady in Manitoba adores this man's singing so much that she bought three copies each of his entire discography, including a few extra "Ronnie Dove: Timeless" discs. They were shipped to her directly from Ronnie himself, at his home in Pasadena...Pasadena, Maryland.

I cannot say enough about this man. He is my dear sweet everything. Prepare to fall head over heels: "Ronnie Dove loves you"

The Gill Deacon Show Has Been Cancelled. Long Live Just For Laughs: Gags!

1. The battle for supremacy has been raging for decades (well, about 1.5 decades), but it's time to finally crown a winner: Canada's favourite suck n' cut vacuum hair styling system is the RoboCut. Hands down. Sorry, Flowbee, but you had to have seen this one coming. I mean, your "moderate noise level" and "one year warranty" were clearly no match for RoboCut's pre-assembled blades and family fun guarantee (dogs and babies included).

Step 1: escape Communism. Step 2: trim split ends!



2. The entire Nooma dvd series: digestible spirituality for the iPod generation. I watched some clips online, and even though I don't want to Believe...I have to admit, these movies are actually quite pretty. And this hip pastor looks a bit like a bleached-out Colin Meloy. Annnnd that's it! Conversion!

3. A 5xL novelty tee from tshirthell.com. Have you ever seen a five times extra large t-shirt before? Well, have you ever seen a bed sheet before? There you go.

nutters and mentals and the like

I've moved home and started work and haven't even managed to unpack all of my shit but I am already feeling the pang to update. I'm not actually "working" yet, but please enjoy a sample of these terms and definitions copied out of an old library book I discovered and devoured while bored in the training room this afternoon:

From Drug Language and Lore by Richard E. Hardy, 1975

Bush: 1. marijuana 2. female pubic hair 3. Afro hair cut

Chippy: 1. a nice looking girl, generally with low morals 2. a prostitute

Hippies: those who like to associate with jazzmen, many of whom are drug users

Hustling drawers: underwear which is made with pockets and is reinforced so that merchandise can be slipped into them for shoplifting purposes

Nut city: a mythical place in which anyone feigning insanity is said to live (my favourite!)

Pack your keister: to hide a condom of narcotics in the rectum

Quality Joe: a person not addicted to narcotics

Roll: to attack either a weaker person or a drunk for the purpose of lifting his wallet

Square: 1. a nondrug user 2. lame